Long-distance relationships might sound super romantic, but in truth, they are hard work: choosing each other every day, even when it’s hard.
It’s counting the days until you see each other again, missing your significant other in the most random moments, craving their presence and comforting arms when you feel off and down, missing that touch. And I don’t just mean the sexual ones, because it’s the little things as well. A kiss on your forehead, arms that comfort you, or just a stolen glance.
It’s building the relationship at a slower pace than when you can see each other regularly, through screens, text messages, and even a one-hour time difference.
It’s not just about fate and choosing it, the exciting chemistry 😏, or missing someone. It’s about choosing each other. Always, Again.
Long-Distance Love Is Not Always Romantic
That a long-distance relationship is not always romantic is something that everyone in one can relate to.
You don’t have to live on the other side of the world from each other to miss one another. But when there’s a complete ocean between the two of you, it’s just a little harder. And we are rather lucky that it’s only a one-hour flight. And I’m not talking about the travelling to and from the airport, the waiting after boarding, and before the flight.
Think about coming home from a long day at work, tired af and needing to vent about it. Yeah, not happening in person.
Missing hugs in moments when you’re emotionally drained? Uh yeah, total b*tch. I mean, we women need to cuddle extra when that time of the month is due. And yes, I’m also talking about the extra hugs and treats, making tea or food for us.
Feeling alone when life hits you on the weekends and looking at the empty spot next to you, while you want nothing more than having him next to you.
The goodbyes at the airport. Taking that last glance before going through security. That last wave. Yup, a total gut-wrencher! 😭 And the emptiness after that goodbye is freaking shit and heartbreaking. Like you’re leaving behind a part of yourself.
And yes, the intimacy. Ugh, that is the worst, because yeah, craving someone on that level is pure torture sometimes. Especially when it’s always major fireworks. And I mean huge fireworks. 🎆🎆
Like, have you seen my man?! 🥵🤭
But Love Across Distance Can Also Go Deeper
When physical closeness is not an option for everyday life, you explore the relationship on so many other levels. And emotional connection is the foundation of the relationship.
Think about the conversations you do have, instead of jumping on each other from the get-go. Nothing wrong with that though, if you want to.
Conversations go way deeper. You talk about subjects that most of the time don’t get talked about until further into the relationship.
You’re more vulnerable with each other and open up about subjects you might not have told someone in the beginning of any relationship.
You get to know each other’s minds before you do their body.
Choosing Each Other Is More Than Saying “I Love You”
Choosing to show up
This is the part that matters, because it’s in the moments when you’re tired, overwhelmed, busy, or missing each other that you choose to show up.
It doesn’t have to be big, but letting the other person know that you’re there is enough.
Ollie and I can go on video chat and go about our day while we check in every once in a while.
It’s not that we can be around each other when we want, and this is a way to be in each other’s world when we’re not.
Choosing to communicate
I think this is key to a long-distance relationship. Always keep communicating. Even when the conversation is hard and uncomfortable. If there is no communication, there is no foundation.
Is it always easy? No, definitely not, but if you choose this kind of relationship, then it’s choosing everything that comes with it.
Choosing patience
And if you’ve read the previous paragraph, then this is one the other can’t go without.
But choosing patience does not only have to do with being patient during conversations, it also means being patient until you see your person again.
This, I guess, is the hardest part out of everything. And people who know me also know that patience is not my strong suit. So with this relationship, I get tested more than once every time.
Planning a trip and then the waiting time for that moment to finally be there is the worst. Well, to me.
The last time Ollie and I saw each other, we had gone without each other for 3 months. We saw each other for roughly two days, if you don’t count the travelling. So yeah, it’s safe to say that those days were too short after such a long period of time.
And I think that’s where there’s the most frustration. Yup, your flexibility is getting tested really, really, really badly! 🤭
Choosing trust
And there is this! The most important one. Not blind trust, but earned trust. The kind built through consistency.
And we had that, until I did something stupid and lied about something I should’ve been honest about.
I broke something powerful, something amazing, something that meant the world to both of us.
Just to be clear here: No, I didn’t cheat on Ollie, however, I did lie to him. And lying is a poison that taints a relationship to a point that you can’t go back to the point before that. Everything prior to that will be questioned. And I’ll regret that for the rest of my life, because now the hardest part starts for the both of us.
Healing together, and trying to rebuild that trust through consistency!
And I hope with every fiber in my body that we’ll get there, because like my colleague always says: Love is a verb and you need to work hard for it.
Choosing the future
Because long-distance only works when both people believe the distance is not forever. ❤️
The Difference Between Fate and Choice in Love
Fate might have brought us together, but it’s the deliberate choice of choosing each other in every moment that turns a connection into a relationship. Through the good and the bad.
I was raised in faith, that God walks with you every step of the way in life. But I’m also a firm believer in divine timing and fate. To me, those two walk side by side.
So, yes, I believe God put us on each other’s paths, but that doesn’t mean you automatically end up being in each other’s lives. You choose to stay there. You choose each other.
What Long-Distance Love Teaches You About Yourself
This relationship has taught me a great deal about myself. It’s also shown me how far I’ve come, to be quite honest. But it also shows me the ugly truth about some parts of myself that I thought were left behind a long time ago.
It’s always funny that life throws these wicked curveballs to show you that you definitely didn’t process certain things and are now forced to work on those again.
One of those is fear. Fear of not being able to be there for your person when he needs you, but also fear of the what-ifs. What if he meets someone better? What if the distance will be a dealbreaker? What if the smallest chance to get him here is so far-fetched, it’ll never happen?
But also that the reassurance you need and the fears that you experience are mutual to a certain extent.
In a long-distance relationship, reassurance is different from what it is when you’re able to sit and talk things through.
We only have texts, phone calls, and video chats to do these things. What makes these so different from doing it in person?
Sitting in each other’s energy and sensing the other person. And that is something that I miss every day and every conversation.
To me, one of the biggest things that I’ve learned in this past year and a bit?
Ollie is not responsible for my happiness. I’ve said this to myself so many times, but it is in this relationship that this is something that has been tested multiple times.
Your significant other should not carry that responsibility. Love should add to your life, not become the only thing holding it together.
The Small Things Become Everything
In long-distance love, the smallest and most ordinary things become sacred.
It’s the moments that you do get to spend together that you enjoy more. Think about sharing a morning coffee, or Ollie waiting for me when I get home after a day at the office, waking up together and sharing that good morning kiss or cuddle. The moments that you can fall asleep in his arms and feel the rise and fall of his chest when you go to bed together.
It’s sharing an ordinary meal together that you cooked together, or even hanging around on the couch and binging a series. Like we’re binging now through video chat and you press play in 3-2-1 🤭
The moments we aren’t physically together matter more to me than words can ever describe, cuz it is in those moments that I sometimes just sneak a peek and look at Ollie’s relaxed face when he’s watching TV. Something I always try to do when we are together, but never seem to get the hang of it, because he always notices just after a couple of seconds 🥰
It is because of this that the countdowns to the next meet, the airport arrivals and being in each other’s energy again, and that first hug after a while give you that intense feeling of cherishing it all more.
Things other people may not even notice are important too, and they become the moments I hold on to.
Why It Is Still Worth It
Is long-distance love worth it? YES! No doubt about it!
The distance is hard, but loving him has never felt like the hard part.
The connection, the love, everything is worth every downside to long-distance love. Choosing love and each other every day is worth so much. And to be quite honest? No one has ever chosen me like Ollie chooses me every day.
It’s the reunions, the emotions that come with those. It’s the gratitude I have for all the little moments we get to share, for the visits we get to experience. If I speak for myself, I enjoy the moments we do get to share physically. I enjoy him and us so much. It’s like I experience everything in a different way and in a different light than any other relationship I’ve ever had.
Because the way love feels stronger, more secure, and safer is because it has been tested, and still gets tested, every day.
But the depth that this relationship has is far beyond anything that I could ever wish for.
Final Thoughts: Love Is a Daily Choice
Long-distance love is not just about waiting until we see each other again. It is about what we build while we wait.
If this touched something in you, I’d love to keep sharing these little pieces of love, life, and writing with you. You can find more in my newsletter.
