The Truth About What Really Breaks (or Builds) Love
Is it fate that brings two people together or the choices they make once they meet?
It’s a question I come back to often in my writing, in the romances I love to read, and most honestly, in my own life.
Because the more I look at love — real love — the clearer it becomes that it’s rarely just one or the other.
It’s both.
When Love “Just Happens”
Some connections don’t arrive quietly. They interrupt you, they surprise you, they show up at a moment when you weren’t looking — or maybe when you’d already decided you were done.
That’s what happened to me.
After years of being single, after a situationship that broke me in ways I never thought I’d fully recover from, I genuinely believed I was closed off. Not unavailable — just… finished. Then Ollie appeared.
We met through social media. No plan. No intention. Just timing and coincidence doing their thing. Fate, if you believe in that word. I know I do.
Because some meetings feel too aligned, too specific, too right to be random.
But fate didn’t make us stay.
The Part Where Choice Begins
What followed wasn’t effortless.
We live in different countries. Long distance. We live different lives, and have different logistics. Circumstances that would’ve been a very valid reason to say: this isn’t practical, let’s stop here.
And honestly, in the beginning I questioned it. A lot.
Do I want this for myself?
Is this wise?
Am I opening myself up again, just to risk getting hurt?
But here’s the thing about real connection: once you feel it, you can’t unfeel it.
We talked for hours. Texts, voice notes, conversations that went deeper than small talk ever could. We connected emotionally first, before anything physical, before fantasy, before projection.
That kind of connection isn’t accidental. It’s a choice. And the moment I realised I was developing real feelings was the moment I knew I couldn’t stay half-in anymore. I needed to see who I was talking to. To step out of the safety of distance and into honesty. (Yes — that was my turning point 🤭)
Love Doesn’t Survive on Destiny Alone
I believe fate opens the door, but choice is what keeps you walking through it. Again and again, especially when love is inconvenient. Especially when distance makes you miss hugs, glances, the quiet comfort of simply being near someone.
Long-distance love strips things down to their core. There’s nowhere to hide. No distractions. No physical shortcut to closeness.
You choose each other in words, in presence, in patience, and in showing up, even when it would be easier not to.
That’s not fate. That’s commitment.
What Motherhood Taught Me About Love and Choice
Being a mother changed how I see everything — including love.
It made me more careful, and more intentional. But it also taught me to trust my intuition in a deeper way.
I don’t believe things happen for nothing. At the same time, I don’t believe we should sacrifice ourselves in the name of destiny.
That’s something I hope my girls will always know:
You don’t need another person to be happy.
They shouldn’t carry that responsibility either.
True happiness starts with being content within yourself.
Love should add to your life, not replace you in it.
And whatever they choose someday, I hope it’s aligned with who they are and what makes them feel whole.
So… Fate or Choice?
Here’s where I land in life and in love stories:
If it’s meant to be, you’ll find each other again, but it only flourishes if you work for it.
Some relationships are lessons, mirrors, or even catalysts for growth.
Others are built — slowly, consciously, bravely — by two people who keep choosing each other, even when it’s not easy.
And the hardest truth? You don’t always know which one it is at the start.
That’s where honesty comes in. Listening. Paying attention. Not just to the connection — but to yourself.
The Romance Truth I Keep Coming Back To
Love isn’t ruined by fate, and it isn’t saved by choice alone. It’s built in the space where both meet, and maybe that’s the real romance trope we don’t talk about enough.
💬 Let’s Talk
So now I’m curious. Do you believe love is about fate, choice… or a mix of both?
(I’m asking this over on Instagram too. Come vote, comment, and tell me what you think.)